I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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