some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
