this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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