I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
