Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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