my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
