I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
