I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
