Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
