my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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