garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
