so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
is that a dick in a sweater?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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