I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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