what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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