Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
