Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
