i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
