oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All the doctor said was why
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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