Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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