Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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