that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
