I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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