I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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