i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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