Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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