so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just tell him i said nine months
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
