I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
