I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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