Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
