She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
