she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
