I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
