I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
