I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
