I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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