i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
