ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
