My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
