Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
did i just pee glitter
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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