Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
