is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
