Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
