Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
