I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
