Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
