I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
