Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
