The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
