it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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