I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
