drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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