just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Are my feet made of real feet?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
