Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
