I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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