we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
