Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
