dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
