I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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