I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
