I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
